Posts Tagged With: femme lounge

To be a stay home mom … or not

Just recently, I was reading an article posted on Femme Lounge about mommies deciding to go to work or stay at home. Quite understandably, the issue of the woman choosing her career versus being a stay home mom has been one that has plagued women since the beginning of the industrialization era. Emotions of guilt and sympathy for the baby frequently surfaces when the mom has to leave her baby to go back to work. I remember the dark teary emotions that suffused me the  day I had to resume work after six weeks maternity leave (Yes, I did say six weeks, because that’s all you get in the US of A). It was extremely tough leaving my baby to the care of my hubby (who by the way had a good job as well). I didn’t want to go back to work, but I had to if I wanted my family to have health insurance as my husband’s job did not provide this benefit for their employees.

Now, while I do not have any easy answers to the question of if a woman should stay home or go to work, I do have this to say: Our world has become more complex in the past years…with challenges of economic recessions and the like. More and more women are being required to go back to work, so they can support their families. The reality is that few jobs out there can support a family on a one-person paycheck. The mortgage/rent has to be paid, children’s tuition has to be paid, there’s the cost of rising petrol/gas, and with all this talk of world disasters and poor economy, there’s a spike in the cost of everything. Even food. That single paycheck from the breadwinner is becoming increasingly difficult for supporting your family even if you are cutting down expenses to the maximum allowable. 

There‘s also all this unpredictability in our world now. Nobody wakes up in the morning expecting that tragedy will befall him or her suddenly during the day. Deaths happen. And statistics shows that men die quicker than women do. Even more common are divorces. If your man is the ONLY one in charge of making the bread in your family, what happens if (God forbid) he falls out of love with you and says he wants to call it quits? I know that many women are saying it can never happen to them, but I am a realist, and the truth is that things like this happen in our world simply because no man/woman is 100% dependable. Not every man is God-fearing. Neither is every woman. And even the God-fearing ones still have the temptations to deal with. We are all like shifting shadows…what we want today is always different from what we want tomorrow. Since we constantly change, disappointments in ourselves and in each other is sometimes inevitable.

Therefore, my advice is this: For every woman whose man is making the dough, even if it affords you to live comfortably, and even if you both have a joint account (as my husband and I do), make sure you continue to develop yourself intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and most importantly financially. Women are sophisticated creatures. We are built to handle more than one task at a time so you can still successfully manage your home and still do something with your life just in case the cards you are dealt with in life requires you  to financially support your family. I know a friend whose husband can afford to take care of the family financially. My friend is a stay home mom and she watches over her neighbors kids for a fee. It’s not a lot of money, but it is something. I know of another stay home mom and she is in school part time studying for her MBA. She drops her kids in school in the morning and hurries to her own class in a university that is about thirty minutes drive from her house. She finishes her class at almost the same time when her kids are done for the day in school. When her kids are doing their homework or napping, she is busy doing her own school work too. Another friend of mine who is a Pediatrician sews clothes when her two-month-old baby is napping. She and her husband, who happens to be a Doctor too, pastor a growing church. They have a live-in Nanny, yet my friend will say that she has to make herself productive since she has temporarily given up her medical career to be with her new baby and support her husband in the ministry.

Women who take time to invest in themselves like these ones are prepared for life’s unpredictability. And I think every woman who considers herself wise will do the same.

P.S: For Wale Taylor(Final part) is now on Femme Lounge. Happy reading!

Categories: Blog, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments

Sixth Post: For Wale Taylor – my first Love

The sixth posting of my first  love tales “For Wale Taylor” was published on Femme Lounge yesterday. Whenever I go in to read readers’ comments, it brings me so much joy and fufillment to see that I have performed my role as an entertainer Writer. As a writer, I owe my audience a good read…and that’s always my first goal – to tell a story that will have you itching to read more.  I don’t write to show you how much of English I know…to force my love for words down your throat. But I write to make your time worthwhile…to engage you in an activity that requires that you won’t be passive.

My second goal as a writer is to pass on the little knowledge I have about our world and its challenges through writing. In so doing, I believe I make others aware of a world that is so far different from theirs, but one we all can still relate to. We all have our different stories…and they are all unique, but at the end of the day we all struggle with the same issues, howbeit in different contexts and different cultures.  

On that note, I  wanted to let you know that there is only one more posting left of this story. The last and seventh posting is scheduled for Thursday next week…as par the Editor of Femme Lounge, Shola Okubote. It is my sincere hope that you come away from this story fully entertained…just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The link to the sixth posting is HERE.  Happy reading….and have an AWESOME April. Enjoy the spring season guys…and don’t forget to take your umbrellas with you when you are out. You never know when those rains will start pouring in joyful torrents, ha!

Categories: My Stories | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

For Wale Taylor – My first love II

“Aiyeeeeeeeee!” If I live to be a hundred years, I will never forget that scream …the one that marked the beginning of my life’s torture.

I was fourteen and I dreamed of Wale Taylor both night and day. In my night dreams, he was asking me to marry him and I was saying “Yes, Yes, Yes.” Then, we lived in a perfect world that consisted of a big Castle, filled with servants that said “My Lord” and “My Lady”…a castle where lack of electricity and armed robbers did not exist. A world where Whitney Houston’s “And I will always love you” played 24/7. In my Daydreams, he was kissing me again and just for special effects, I would hold up my stuffed pillow and pretend I was kissing him, tongue to tongue, mouth to mouth – as they do in the movies.

I kissed the poor pillow so much that it finally lost all its puffiness. I was having that daydream again when my mother’s harrowing scream reached me in my room, yanking me out of my romance-trance to the world of reality. “Aiyeeeeee” I ran and what I found in the living room left me too stunned to scream.

Sprawled on the floor was my larger-than-life Dad, saliva foaming from his mouth, his limbs contracted. My mom and my brothers were kneeling beside him, tears of panic running down their face as my mom screamed some more. Someone was banging furiously at the door trying to come into the house. Dazed and confused, I ran to the door to open it. Wale’s parents were at the door. Behind them was my crush – Wale Taylor himself.

They were all in their nightclothes. “Mama Yemi, mama Yemi….what is going on?” Wale’s parents cried. They didn’t have to repeat their question before they saw my Dad on the floor. “We need to get to him to the hospital now,” Wale’s father was saying. He lifted my Dad’s limp arm and pretty much knew it was too late. “My life is over. My life is finished,” My mom cried in Yoruba. Wale’s mother ran to my mother’s side and just then, someone rapped on our front door again. In a matter of minutes, there was a large crowd in our spacious living room as the commotion increased with every passing second. I remember someone attempting to wipe the foam off my father’s face.

A group of women was trying to hold my mother still. Others were trying to cover my Dad’s lifeless body from my brothers who were yowling and screaming, terrified at the sight before them. But no one seemed to remember that I was there, crouched by the door entrance, immobilized with shock. No one remembered to hide me from the ugliness in the living room …except Wale.

Except my one and only Wale Taylor, who held my hands as tears lacking any comprehensive emotion coursed down my face, while adults scurried to reduce the upheaval in our spacious living room.

(To be continued)

Categories: My Stories | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

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