What the @&*#$ – and you call that romance?!

Just read a romance novel that has left me in nauseous mode. Yes. I said it. A romance novel has managed to leave me so nauseated that several hours after I’ve put it down, my tummy is still gripping as I try to clear my brain of its subject matter.

Amazon is doing this thing with free downloads of bestselling novels. Since one of my favorite words is free- I swear, my first spoken word as a child was “Free” – I got all the available romance novels, prepared to enter my book nerd sanctum-The Sacred Paradise of Reading.

One of the books I got is titled, “The Colters’ wife”. The author is quite popular but I’ve never read any of her books until now. I guess I should have done some research into the kind of books she writes, but since I’m one naïve mess of a reader, I delved right into the novel without a second thought. You can best imagine my eagerness to read her. By the third page though, I was screaming, “What the….” You get the idea of what I said since cuss words ain’t allowed on this site. I’ve got to say, however, that it was well written, even though I found the subject matter hard to digest.

 The book is about three brothers all married to the same woman. At the same time.

Wait. It gets even more bizarre.

They are all sleeping with her. At the same time.

Are you getting grossed out yet?

The woman is pregnant. Heavily pregnant too. I’m not exactly sure whose baby she’s carrying among the brothers, since I only got to page three and had to put the book down.

First page opens with the heroine (Holly) sleeping with Adam Colter (the man I presumed was the hero). Holly is pregnant and we see how Adam is touching her belly, showing his protectiveness over Holly and the unborn child. I’m also assuming that Adam is Holly’s husband since the novel is titled “The Colters’ wife.” The description of Adam and Holly lying side by side is pleasantly romantic and there I was, geared up to enjoy a good romance novel.

Oh boy! Was I in for some shock therapy!

Well, Adam and Holly are married alright. But the reading got bizarre right after I zoomed into the next page where Adam is worried that Holly may fall into labor in the mountains (where they live). He expresses his fears to his brothers, Ryan and Ethan. Ryan and Ethan also share the same concern with Adam and all three brothers agree that they’ll have to move her to Denver so she can have the baby safely. So there I am, getting wistful as I think to myself “Oh, what precious brothers in law, loving her as a brother would love his little sister. Ain’t she just lucky?”

Now if you’ve read the book, you’re probably laughing at my inane assumption.

By the second page, Holly is kissing Ethan. And this is where I start getting very confused because they are not kissing like, you know, brotherly-sisterly chaste kiss. I’m talking full blown lip munching. My bewilderment only gets worse because by the third page, pregnant Holly is making love to another brother, Ryan. And now, I’m thinking that I’m reading about one guy with three different personalities loving the same woman. …you know, like multiple personality syndrome. I’m thinking this because the novel is so unlike any romance novel I’ve ever read in my life. As one gal who grew up feeding off on historical and contemporary romances where women are depicted to be strong, beautiful and somewhat chaste, I’m seriously hoping that the book is not about three brothers sharing one woman. The thought of three biological brothers doing the same woman is just downright nasty.

Alas, my fears are confirmed when I visit Amazon to read the reviews. From the reviews, it proves that the novel is actually a book about three brothers – not one man with three personalities – but three separate men who are lovers to the same woman. How, in this world can polyandry be any woman’s fantasy and hence be published as romance? In my humble opinion, that’s no romance…that’s repulsive! Three brothers sleeping with one pregnant woman? Ewww, ewww and ewww.

Three pages out of the Colters’ wife, and I found myself running out of The Sacred Paradise of Reading to dirty diapers that needed changing, snack-loving kids that demanded lunch and a one-thousand-and-one other tasks that cried for attention -a concrete, saner world where I could clear my over stimulated brain.

The moral of this post: Before you download any free books, please read the reviews! It’ll save you from unnecessary and unpleasant reactions. Now, if only I can find the closest bathroom. I believe I have to go throw up again.

Categories: Blog | Tags: , , | 20 Comments

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20 thoughts on “What the @&*#$ – and you call that romance?!

  1. Yes I am laughing cos of the way you found out. But it is gross. Ewww!!!
    I find it even more sickening that it is a best seller.
    What does that say about the world we live in?
    Anything like incest, etc. grosses me out and I find myself ‘ewwing’ over it for days. I have been trying to ‘rid’ myself of the sickening story of Fred and Rose West, a serial killing couple. Wiki them and seriously you won’t keep your food down for a month! There was a drama about them on the telly on sunday and I ‘wikied’ them to read more and wish I hadn’t. (Though I was in the UK when it happened but I didn’t really take it in with all the hype way back then). It is the grossest story ever!

    • LD

      Adura, I did check this out…Ewwwwww! Life and grossness…I guess it shows just how depraved the mind can get. Sad. Really sad.

  2. Why rush to bathroom to throw up?Are you also pregnant like the colters’ wife???lol
    Polyandry indeed-Its agreeably nausating,I agree…

  3. *mouth agape*

    For real? How does such a story pass for romance? Since when is it even remotely romantic for four people to be sharing a bed? Ewwwww…. even my mind can’t process it – I have to shut down my imagination.

    The only reason I can think of, why it was written and published, was probably for the shock (and distaste) value.

    • For real o FG! For real, for real! I really am still trying to wrap my head around that one…why would such an idea even be passed out for romance?

  4. LOL…pele.

    I’m also on the bandwagon of free kindle but I chose my categories, I only download books after reading reviews. I also avoid some erotica presses I already know like Ellora’s Cave and Samhain, their romance pushes the boundaries I choose not to cross.

  5. Ezekiel

    Very distasteful my sister. What is the world coming to? Even as a man, it’s still very disgusting. If it does not fit a woman’s fantasy and does not even fit a man’s fantasy, then it is disgusting and I understand why you would feel like throwing up.

    • Glad to read a man’s point of view regarding this. So I’m not crazy to say it’s disgusting. If a man finds it distasteful, then I guess a woman like me will find it even worse. Thanks once again Ezekiel for subscribing to my posts.

  6. Yessenia Rizza

    So you don’t like the book, I get it. But you didn’t have to thrash the writer. Finally I have this to say: “Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” ~ Mother Teresa

    • Dear Yessenia, it’s not my intention to thrash the book. I’m just giving my personal opinion on what I thought of it. For me, it’s honestly twisted, but someone else might find it enjoyable. Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Tracy Warzybok

    I’m laughing my head off here. I can see understand your sense of revulsion. I am not exactly a fan of romance novels, but I agree – your description of this novel makes it gross indeed.

    • Tracy, you and me both. I’m thinking about my gullibility and I find it funny as well. Trust me…no more naiveté on the part of this gal from this day forward in terms of downloading free books

  8. Wow! I used to download those “free” books as well. I have it in quotes because I think that they should actually pay people to read those books. I stopped because the books I got were badly written. I am glad, I never downloaded this one. I would have been traumatized.

    So Polyandry is now being glamourized? And not just that, a pregnant woman is being passed around 3 brothers? I guess the author is trying to expand our minds – not!

    • Natural Nigerian I should have come to you before I downloaded my so called free books. I guess I have learned now. I am now reading every review before I download a book and I also make it a point to review the books I read now – for the sake of unsuspecting consumers.

  9. Tim Bkat

    Appalling and disturbing are the words that come to mind. I just puked a little bit just thinking of it. But as someone said I guess romance is subjective to who is reading it but still that’s just nasty.

  10. I do not understand the more then one husband and wife thing. Call me old fashion but I like my romance to have one hero and one herione. And I do not do brothers or sisters in sex scenes. Yuck!

    I will be passing on this one.

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