Just read a romance novel that has left me in nauseous mode. Yes. I said it. A romance novel has managed to leave me so nauseated that several hours after I’ve put it down, my tummy is still gripping as I try to clear my brain of its subject matter.
Amazon is doing this thing with free downloads of bestselling novels. Since one of my favorite words is free- I swear, my first spoken word as a child was “Free” – I got all the available romance novels, prepared to enter my book nerd sanctum-The Sacred Paradise of Reading.
One of the books I got is titled, “The Colters’ wife”. The author is quite popular but I’ve never read any of her books until now. I guess I should have done some research into the kind of books she writes, but since I’m one naïve mess of a reader, I delved right into the novel without a second thought. You can best imagine my eagerness to read her. By the third page though, I was screaming, “What the….” You get the idea of what I said since cuss words ain’t allowed on this site. I’ve got to say, however, that it was well written, even though I found the subject matter hard to digest.
The book is about three brothers all married to the same woman. At the same time.
Wait. It gets even more bizarre.
They are all sleeping with her. At the same time.
Are you getting grossed out yet?
The woman is pregnant. Heavily pregnant too. I’m not exactly sure whose baby she’s carrying among the brothers, since I only got to page three and had to put the book down.
First page opens with the heroine (Holly) sleeping with Adam Colter (the man I presumed was the hero). Holly is pregnant and we see how Adam is touching her belly, showing his protectiveness over Holly and the unborn child. I’m also assuming that Adam is Holly’s husband since the novel is titled “The Colters’ wife.” The description of Adam and Holly lying side by side is pleasantly romantic and there I was, geared up to enjoy a good romance novel.
Oh boy! Was I in for some shock therapy!
Well, Adam and Holly are married alright. But the reading got bizarre right after I zoomed into the next page where Adam is worried that Holly may fall into labor in the mountains (where they live). He expresses his fears to his brothers, Ryan and Ethan. Ryan and Ethan also share the same concern with Adam and all three brothers agree that they’ll have to move her to Denver so she can have the baby safely. So there I am, getting wistful as I think to myself “Oh, what precious brothers in law, loving her as a brother would love his little sister. Ain’t she just lucky?”
Now if you’ve read the book, you’re probably laughing at my inane assumption.
By the second page, Holly is kissing Ethan. And this is where I start getting very confused because they are not kissing like, you know, brotherly-sisterly chaste kiss. I’m talking full blown lip munching. My bewilderment only gets worse because by the third page, pregnant Holly is making love to another brother, Ryan. And now, I’m thinking that I’m reading about one guy with three different personalities loving the same woman. …you know, like multiple personality syndrome. I’m thinking this because the novel is so unlike any romance novel I’ve ever read in my life. As one gal who grew up feeding off on historical and contemporary romances where women are depicted to be strong, beautiful and somewhat chaste, I’m seriously hoping that the book is not about three brothers sharing one woman. The thought of three biological brothers doing the same woman is just downright nasty.
Alas, my fears are confirmed when I visit Amazon to read the reviews. From the reviews, it proves that the novel is actually a book about three brothers – not one man with three personalities – but three separate men who are lovers to the same woman. How, in this world can polyandry be any woman’s fantasy and hence be published as romance? In my humble opinion, that’s no romance…that’s repulsive! Three brothers sleeping with one pregnant woman? Ewww, ewww and ewww.
Three pages out of the Colters’ wife, and I found myself running out of The Sacred Paradise of Reading to dirty diapers that needed changing, snack-loving kids that demanded lunch and a one-thousand-and-one other tasks that cried for attention -a concrete, saner world where I could clear my over stimulated brain.
The moral of this post: Before you download any free books, please read the reviews! It’ll save you from unnecessary and unpleasant reactions. Now, if only I can find the closest bathroom. I believe I have to go throw up again.